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Aries
March 21 - April 20 |
It
takes a village to change. Love your neighbour like nobody's watching. |
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Taurus
April 21 - May 21 |
Those
who live underground will be luckier than most. Befriend a mole. |
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Gemini
May 22 - June 21 |
Panties are lost when static cling betrays you at the grocery. Walk
forward with purpose. A good month for bargains. |
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Cancer
June 22 - July 22 |
An
uptick in solar flares brings satellite imagery and a press conference
from NASA. Ask a friend for fellatio tips. |
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Leo
July 23 - August 23 |
Shaky-mane
Leos will have cause to take a hair product back to the store. Expect
resistance from those who hate you. |
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Virgo
August 24 - Sept 23 |
Three
virgins will wail outside your window. Ignore them, for their innocence
will confuse your moon ring. |
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Libra
Sept 24 - October 23 |
The
moons of cyrus vance are in ascendancy. Earth, wind and fire may encourage
you to blow whistles at a funeral. |
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Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 22 |
Scorpions
get bitten by crabs this month Stay off the beach and away from strangers.
Embrace friends of such strangers. |
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Sagittarius
Nov 23 - Dec 21 |
Sagittarian
serenity is disturbed by a horrifying cyst which appears arbitrarily
on unconnected bits of your skin. |
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Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 20 |
Little old lady got mutilated late last night. Werewolves of London,
again. Hut! |
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Aquarius
Jan 21 - Feb 19 |
There's
something happenin' here. What it is ain't exactly clear. Put a flower
in the rifle barrel of a National Guard. Flower children of
the aquarian age |
| |
Pisces
Feb 20 - March 20 |
see
Taurus |
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