Really
Crazy Golf
The traditional seaside game of crazy golf could get really crazy,
if a group of extreme crazy golfers have their way.
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Stuart Mitchell of Golf Extreme plans to build the biggest
crazy golf course in the world at a location in the north
east of Scotland.
"We're talking about a golf course which is normal
size - but is crazy. Castles, drainpipes, tunnels, full
size, windmills, bagatelle flippers, angry dogs, the works."
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Mitchell claims that planning permission has been granted to build
the 18-hole crazy golf course over twenty acres of land near Aberdeen,
Scotland.
"We're using housing schemes as fairways, bus stops for tees
and the fourteenth is actually inside a train which goes from Aberdeen
to Perth."
The project will bring nine jobs to the area and an estimated £15
million income per annum.
While Donald Trump's planned golf course nearby has stirred passions
across the community, Mitchell claims that locals are on board for
the gigantic crazy golf scheme.
"We made no moves before talking to local people and getting
the nod from them. Nobody is going to lose their home as a result
of crazy golf. The residents are up for it, the investors are in
place, the land is earmarked. This is a no-brainer. Let's go crazy!"
Giant Wasp Found
The fossil of a giant wasp has been found in a hill close to Oban,
Scotland. Local man Lorne Walton said, "You should have seen
this thing. Massive, it was. It was like, this really giant wasp.
Fuck knows what sort of state you would have been in if this thing
had stung you or flew in your window".
Fellow Oban resident and amateur archeologist, David Hamilton,
who supervised the dig, said, "It was about the size of an
Indian elephant. But with wings and a beak. Thank Christ I didn't
live in the times when something like this was flying about. Fucking
massive it was."
Airport Security Measures
Holidaymakers face more travel chaos after US and UK airport authorities
confirmed stringent new security measures in the face of increasing
terror threats.
Adding to a range of existing measures from biometric analysis
to removal of orthodontic cleaning solutions, airport staff have
been trained to spot irregular body language signals such as the
wearing of beards, the raising of eyebrows in response to questions
and the secretion of extraneous stomachs.
Human Rights groups have singled out an initiative whereby female
travellers wearing ill-fitting bras will be asked to state their
cup size.
Brendan Parker of the right-wing think tank Freedom to Punish hailed
the new measures as "an appropriate response to the terror
groups. You are either normal or you are not. There is no middle
ground. There is only a battleground."
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Haunted House Tour Claims
Another Life
A third person has died at Arrocher House on Scotland's west
coast while taking part in an infamous Haunted House tour.
The pensioner, who has yet to be named, was part of a group of
twelve who elected to spend the night in what is reputed to be
Britain's most haunted house. Tour Guide John Ross is being questioned
by police after the latest tragedy to befall visitors to Arrocher
House.
His solicitor Raymond Mearns told wreckered, "My
client is co-operating with the authorities and refutes the rumours
that his brother-in-law is an axe-weilding maniac in a hockey
mask who hasn't had a blow job in eight years."
In 2008 a Japanese tourist was found dead with a broken neck
in the kitchen of Arrocher House and in 2006 a family of American
tourists looking for their roots had their trip to Scotland marred
by the suspicious crucifixion of their eldest son. Again, in Arrocher
House.
In the next edition of wreckered magazine, we send our outspoken
columnist John Crow to Arrocher House to reveal the truth behind
the truth.
Shrine Where Something
Really Ordinary Once Happened
by Xenia Schiller
Visitors at The Wall of Lapsed Recall
Ask the locals and no one seems to know what came to pass that
particular day, the date of which has long since been forgotten.
You’ll understand it couldn’t have been too important,
or someone would surely remember. Visit the Wall of Lapsed Recall,
where tourists often leave flowers and toys to commemorate the
non-event, and those who may have participated in it.
Light a candle, hold a vigil. The choice is yours. It doesn’t
even matter.
Enjoy some dining in the local restaurants that have sprung up
around the area where who-knows-what might have happened. The
sky’s the limit, unless your imagination curbs it first.
Also Recommended: Walking Tour of Sites You Could Just as Soon
Miss
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