Westboro Baptists Target EuroDisney

by Xenia Schiller

Westboro Baptist Church made international news last week after being freed from the Charles DeGaulle airport where they’d been trapped en route to EuroDisney. Wreckered has the exclusive.

“God hates the tardy, amen,” Pastor Phelps, leader of the Westboro Baptist Church, explained, “but He also hates Newark, and so do we, because we missed our connecting flight to Paris. The French lost our luggage, and then claimed not to understand what we were saying. How convenient! If there’s one thing God can’t stand it’s the man who ignores the battle cry of the righteous.”

Babylon
“It was total modern-day Babylon,” Mrs. Phelps said of the atmosphere. “The signs were all in French. If they want us to come here, they should make the signs in American. We were wandering inside that God-forsaken airport a whole week waiting for someone to help us.”
When asked if he felt their false imprisonment was a sign from god, Pastor Phelps agreed. “We could have spent our vacation among the Mickey Mouse-idolaters but clearly God had bigger plans for us.”

Monorail
God’s plan was not immediately obvious to all. One congregant, who spoke on condition of anonymity, revealed he and three women rode the tram all week believing it was a monorail. “We just thought it was a really boring park. You know Europeans. But there were a lot of people in line for the ride, so we took our chances.”