The
Top Five Alien Abductions since 2000
Lady Gaga Penis
The penis of Lady Gaga is rumoured to have been abducted some time
in 2009. Oddly, this period co-incides with the pop sensation's
rapid rise to global stardom and pop music domination. Coincidence?
Wreckered thinks not. Only an alien technology beyond our comprehension
could have produced the pop phenomenon which now has over 14 billion
twitter followers - a number which is more than twice the population
of planet Earth.
Ringo Starr's Sense of Perspective
Ex-Beatle Ringo had his sense of perspective taken from him some
time between 1964 and 2004. A famous YouTube
clip shows Ringo in irritation, warning that he will no longer
accept fan mail or gifts from people.
Balornock, Glasgow
An area in the east end of Glasgow, Scotland has seen all of it's
inhabitants "removed" in the last two years. Official
government and local council briefings state that the disappearance
of Balornock's citizens is explained by a mass enforced relocation
in order to make the area available for athletes. A wreckered investigation
has been unable to locate any of the former residents of Balornock.
Cover up or conspiracy? You decide.
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The Money of the United Kingdom
How do you lose that much money? How do you spend that much money?
Could you lend that much money and not get any of it back? Could
you borrow that much money without ever being able to repay it?
The answer: aliens have agents on earth. Namely, a branch of
the Illuminati who specialise in sub-prime lending.
Hope
Abducted in the late 1990's, hope was our last hope. Theorists
argue that the disappearance of hope was the work of a shadowy
cabal of earthling dictators in league with their alien masters.
Nigel Buckland, theorist, astronomist and professional Welshman,
has claimed that hope is a resource and that alien life-forms
have mined hope from the people of our planet as they have from
many other humanoid civilisations across our galaxy.
Buckland told wreckered, "It's heavy duty. Like, really,
really, heavy duty. We are totally fucking hopeless."
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