CLEARING THE BONG
- HAS SPORT GONE UP IN SMOKE?

Clearing the Bong may soon become an Olympic sport. With a Dutchman now as president of the Emergent Olympics Association, the influence is there - if not yet the political will. However, the EOA has made some maverick choices in the past and Clearing the Bong stands a good chance of receiving the popular vote on the ground.

Clearing The Bong is one of the fastest growing sports in Europe and Asia. Four or more competitors sit cross legged in a circle and each takes a turn at Clearing the Bong. The winner is the one who successfully Clears The Bong.

The sport is divided in weight classes, similar to boxing. Lightweights use a small 50cm Bong, middleweights contend with the extended 80cm Bong and heavyweights will attempt to clear the 1.5m Big Bong. Super Heavyweight, however, is the blue chip of serious Bong Clearing: competitors take on the The Magic Funnel: a 2.2m high, glass-bowled ceramic bong with an active memory loss agent present in the chamber.

The current European Champion, James "Mr Composure" Young, says the time has come for Clearing the Bong to get overground status. "The days of sitting about somebody's room or doing this at a festival are over. You really want to see this in stadiums."

Paul Pirie runs the Ba-Da-Bong Festival in Baden-Baden, Germany. "What began as a two day music festival became simply a huge gathering of people with bongs", said Pirie. "One year we realised that we hadn't booked any bands - and that we hadn't actually had any bands there for the last two years. Nobody was all that bothered. It was then we started seeing the potential."

See wreckered's shock report from #8 of The Effects of Drugs In Sport

WINTER OLYMPICS "A BIT RUBBISH"

The recent Winter Olympics has been given a resounding vote of being a bit rubbish by droves of hordes of stay away armchairs in their thousands. "Rich buggers larking about" is the message coming from British viewers. Critics point to an elitism born from cold financial facts. "Where", said one mother, "am I supposed to get the money to buy the boys a four man bobsleigh?"

An astounding 81% of those voting with their eyes by not watching claim to know nothing about the Winter Olympics and couldn't care less. Lorne Walton told wreckered, "It's people jumping off of ski lifts, ice skating. Curling, I think. I couldn't care less."

Only in the hey-day of Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards was Winter Olympics ever popular. Nobody gives a damn about giant German men skiing down a hill at 200 mph. Wreckered stand with those who say to the Winter Olympics Association, "We couldn't care less. Bring back Eddie the Eagle. He was alright. We'd watch Eddie."

THE DEAD CALL HALT TO GRAND PRIX

Construction plans for the mooted 2011 Indian Grand Prix at a site near Delhi, are on hold following the discovery that a cemetery lies where the planned pitlane and paddock will be.

According to Indian law, the dead can only be moved if the local villagers agree and as none of them are too fussed about having F1 cars blast past their houses, they are refusing to concede.

However organisers think they have found a way to keep all sides happy, by employing the dead to work on race weekends. Local witch-doctor Bhani Shamaputra aims to raise the dead and have them working on burger stalls and merchandise stands.

Said Bhani, “Everybody wins: the race can go ahead and the dead will get something to do plus all the extra staff will mean queuing to be served will be a thing of the past.”

Wreckered thanks our friends at GrandPrixDiary.com for allowing us to share this story. The people at GDP assure us most of the above tale is true.