news satire, comedy, sports, football, motoring, parody, celebrity, stars and fashion - wreckered - the comedy newspaper magazine
comedy, satire, humour, jokes and fun - wreckered
homearchivesitemapadvertiseabout us
Edition # 6
World news through our eyes
frontpagenewsboxyourwrecksportslifestylemotoringstars

ASYLUM PARACHUTE GANG HELD IN SWOOP
Four men have been arrested after cops smashed an asylum parachutes gang. Armed officers swooped on an address in Brighton yesterday morning, following months of surveillance and co-operation by British asylum cops and their French counterparts.

One of the men held is thought to be the Mr Big behind recent parachute drops of asylum seekers across England and Wales. The scheme was simple: illegal immigrants paid up to £10,000 to be picked up near the French coastline and flown across the Channel in a light aircraft. Once
over the English coastline, they would make a tandem parachute jump
with a qualified parachutist.

Range Rovers
On landing, the asylum seeker would melt away into surrounding forests while the parachutist and his equipment would be spirited away by a back-up team, often using Range Rovers. The gang is thought to have dropped more than four hundred asylum seekers into the UK in the past year.

tandem asylum jump
   
scanners
A police spokesman said, "This was a sophisticated operation. The gang used a variety of aircraft and parachutists. The back-up team used scanners to monitor police activity. Night jumps were guided down by mini-strobe lights on the ground".

swarthy
As they got bolder, the asylum parachute gang even duped legitimate pilots and skydivers into dropping their immigrants onto the UK. Steve Harris was one of the skydivers fooled by the gang. "I made two tandem jumps with swarthy guys I was told were raising money for overseas charities. I got suspicious after they both ran away into the nearest forest whenever we landed. And the cheques bounced."


aircraft
light aircraft
comment and opinion in yourwreck
wreckered archive
Get - Issue #1
Get - Issue #2
Get - Issue #3
Get - Issue #4
Get - Issue #5
newsbox
King Jack Queen Fury
Giant shoe discovered
Ignorance Amnesty
Bear Head Found in Stew
advertisement
site of the month
urban75.com
UK site covering
alternative culture
RHONA THE MOANER FRINGE WALKOUT FURY
I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here gay Scots comedian tv presenter lesbian reality game show loser "Rhona the moaner" Cameron faced a furious crowd of "get me out of here I'm an audience" members during her recent Festival Fringe show at the Festival Theatre, Edinburgh. Bored punters hurried for the exits during gay lesbian Scots comedian Rhona's stand-up comedy show.

secret mini-screen
Suspicions that Cameron was reading her comedy sketches from a secret mini-screen hidden on the stage and invisible to the paying public were confirmed by insiders who told wreckered, "During the soundcheck, Rhona complained bitterly that she couldn't read the cues on her monitor."  
Rhona Cameron
rip-off Rhona

unrepentant
The fiery and foul-mouthed Scots star is said to be unrepentant, despite pocketing the proceeds of up to £20-a-head ticket sales for what was, by many accounts, a disappointing and hideously over-priced show. A close friend defended the tight-lipped star, saying, "No-one complained when Bob Hope read from cards at the side of the stage and Rhona is just as funny as he was." Close friends of the late Bob Hope were unavailable for comment. 

romps
Ex-pat Cameron, whose gay lovers have included Sue Perkins of hit comedy duo Mel and Sue, is rumoured to have romped with many well known female stars of television and is said to favour girls who can do impressions of film stars. Psychologist David Hamilton told wreckered, "Rhona may well live in a never-never land of delusion and hype".

Meet Rhona
Rhona Cameron will be talking about and signing copies of her debut book at Waterstone's stores throughout October. You can meet her Wed 8th at London Picadilly, Tues 14th at Edinburgh West End, Tues 21st at Manchester Deansgate, Thurs 23rd in Brighton and on Sat 8th November in Cambridge. Contact Waterstones for details - some of these events are free but some will cost £3.00 to attend.
it's time to leave the country advertise in the wreckered
email the editor copyright 2003 - wreckered.co.uk