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Aries
March 21 - April 20 |
Let
your naval be your beacon. |
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Taurus
April 21 - May 21 |
Ginger
cats will be unlucky for you this month. |
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Gemini
May 22 - June 21 |
You
will meet the twin of your star sign - beware of mutton dressed as mutton. |
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Cancer
June 22 - July 22 |
Purge
excess hair for unexpected guest of a papal nature. |
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Leo
July 23 - August 23 |
A
ghost will appear in your mirror. Another one will appear in your underwear. |
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Virgo
August 24 - Sept 23 |
A
friend will ask you to floss for them - agree but refuse money. |
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Libra
Sept 24 - October 23 |
Your
moon's ascending - take a flight or a bath. |
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Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 22 |
Don't
believe everything you see in fruit. |
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Sagittarius
Nov 23 - Dec 21 |
Wear
blue to ward off monkeys. |
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Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 20 |
Look
to new horizons. Avoid brie. |
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Aquarius
Jan 21 - Feb 19 |
Look
out for a friend doing you a good turn - they're a two-faced bastard |
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Pisces
Feb 20 - March 20 |
Find
time to pleasure yourself as no one else will this month. |
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