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Asteroid still on course

The massive asteroid reported last month as heading for earth is still on course and coming this way. Boffins estimate that it will collide with Earth in 2019, wiping out all known life on the planet apart from cockroaches and peas.
panic
An unnamed boffin says "there is no reason to panic - it might never happen, who knows ?"
shop
We say take out as many credit cards as you can and shop like a mutha****** right to the bitter end.

Coma Boy in miracle recovery
Coma Boy was last night said to be comfortable after a miracle recovery. Following a massive battle against Thordar and his minions, Coma Boy - whose super powers allow him to place evildoers in a coma - was taken to hospital with a suspected sore leg. Speaking from his hospital bed, Coma Boy said "I thank the people for their good wishes, cards and fruit.
My leg is much better. It is a miracle."