The Scottish
News
Scotland Screwed If It Becomes Scotland
November 2011
Business fears independence
Renewables bring poverty and death
Referendum to cause AIDS
Recent claims claim that if Scots were to vote for independence, a
plague of HIV would bring death and poverty to innocent people. Further,
a Conservative/New Labour think tank claims that the notion of independence
for Scotland has led many business leaders to flee the country, fearing
that self-determination would cause their dicks to become inflamed and
pus-ridden. Promises of inward investment are said to have fallen by
38% in the last financial year, measured against a basket of currencies.
Further, a rise of 8% in the seasonally adjusted total of indigenous
junkies has seen an 8% decrease in the number of foreign junkies - leading
many to give credence to claims that drug dealers are targetting Scottish
junkies at the expense of junkies from East European countries. Brendan
Parker, of right-wing think tank Freedom to Punish, points to the rise
of renewables as a probable cause for the statistic: "We never
had this problem before people started harnessing the so-called power
of the tides."
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