Said Sergeant Chris Forbes, "It'll be like a squad of superheroes all swooping down. The bad guy is going to freak when he sees that. I mean, seriously. And imagine they got one for the Dog Unit. It'd be, like, Jet Dog".

GLOVE COMPARTMENTS

the wreckered survey

We asked some of our staff to reveal the contents of their glove compartments. We wondered if they would tell us anything about the fears of British drivers. The results are shocking.

JOHN CROW: boiled sweets, unpaid parking tickets, a Bowie Knife, an air pistol, four cassette tapes and a pair of women's panties.

TARA JONES: a small black address book, some scratched CDs, 2 fl oz Mephodrone, a small bottle of Amyl Nitrate, 2 menthol cigarettes, a can of Mace and a pair of women's panties.

PSYCHIC AUGUSTA: a fun-size crystal ball, an unfinished moonchart, a wig, some beads, a home-made dreamcatcher and a collection of voodoo dolls.

EDDY WRECK: A phone charger, assorted CDs, a Swiss Army Flashlight, a packet of fudge and a sawn-off shotgun.

Applied nationwide, these results show that the majority of British drivers are armed. Glove compartment watchers point to a dangerous change in the contents of glove compartments over the last ten years. Anthony Murray of Glove Magazine says, "Drivers are clearly getting ready for the Road Rage Revival. If glove compartments could speak, they would be saying, "I refuse to be a victim"."

Drivers groups and others claim that the Road Rage Revival is just around the corner. Murray told wreckered, "The signs are there. All we are waiting for is the return of confidence."

ANTI-HOLES HELP TRAFFIC
by Hole Correspondent Gordon Ross

The winter weather has damaged Britain's road infrastructure causing holes and cracks to appear all over the country. Some are deep enough to cause small vehicles like the Smart car and the Fiat Sem-Tone to disappear completely, while larger cars are damaged by falling into the fissures.

Glasgow City Council has reacted swiftly to the problem and have improvised an ingenious solution. A massive stockpile of concrete speed bumps have been utilised by inverting them and cementing them into the holes. The so-called "anti-holes" are believed to be the first example of speed bumps being used to increase the speed of traffic.